been having some quality brain rot recently. let's see if i can remember what was on the boob tube this week.

girl on a train
in the bedroom

my video wont upload and im stuck from that. WAH

and my iphone is faking fullness. and my computer says its full. i tried moving stuff to external drives.

the kitchen is a mess. and ive been stopping revamping my wardrobe sitch since bella ran away when we GOT the wardrobe home.

we went to eat at a restaurant, and i got my new makeup bag so that was fun the eyeliner works great.

open tabs: http://poemdujour.com/blake.innocence.html

been taking notes and to-do lists. i found these things called boji journals. so cool. its like youre never late to the party because you just make it yourself.

i think i had rubbed off all the eyeliner by now:

it's ok you dont follow me on snapchat. i never snap. then i find them in the camera roll.

you know i should round up all my eljays and make friends with myselves.

my life is a forgotten tin full of sticky notes, cut and shred drawings, and the ashes of a grey cat long lost to a landfill out of town. have fun in your new mausoleum, clyde.
  • Current Mood: dirty dirty
  • Current Music: moonbathing - richard j birkin

today was like cool balmy with bright overcast. it rained i think all last night and then when it stopped the sprinklers all went off. how smart is that? things you learn when you sleep/wake almost too early.

accomplishment: clean bed. re-purposed/new-to-me 'backdrop'. (see end of video)

fix: is that zipper nail-polished shut? put some acetone on it.
did that seam rip open again? take a needle and thread to it again. durr.

✨ the more you know ... 🎶

gratitude: roof and 4 walls. bed/bedding. computer.
huge kale salad and hot chocolate. tiny kitchen.
location location location

  • Current Location: night bed
  • Current Mood: chipper chipper
  • Current Music: distant piano
map collage

anam cara ~ a wellspring of love from within

i love the way this turned out. watch it full screen. i had before made a five+ minute version (semi-fast-forwarding thru) but in this one, everything is back to normal, except the descent... sped to 177% to match the length of the audio(s), though the music track was cut short overall. it was just noises of someone moving about in a room though toward the end though, so, no substantial loss. i did cut off the last part of the track where he speaks to physical intimacy. because. i wanted it to be non-lyrical ambient music first and then transitioning into the audiobook excerpt.

i so recommend LISTENING to this book on audiobook. i remember first listening to it when i was in sacramento. i would play it, and work, and find myself remembering that place within myself that i had so forgotten as a reality in my life, that view of there being the mystical in the world, that sense of good being. not just being because. but the amazement of being.

the reason i chose this track is because it played on my walk through the neighborhood last night. it really spoke to me. i'm in between SUCH a rock and a hard place right now, and so far from 'wild' nature at that, that just these words now (the whole audiobook though) i value for reminding me of that place. listen.

from the walk:

‪Colors are the wounds of light. #williamblake‬

Colors are the wounds of light. #williamblake

thought for food

first sorting and gutting old notebooks, she set the stage with gold dust and forgotten poetry

~ what though life conspire to cheat u do not sorrow or complain ~ lie still on day of pain , and the day of joy will greet you ~ heart live in the coming day ~ there's an end to passing sorrow ~ suddenly all flies away , and delight returuns tomorrow ~ Aleksandre Sergeevich Pushkin

tiring from over a week of wraps, she set out for something less grainy and more complex

&& Ingredients ;;

Bed of 1/2 red leaf lettuce head
2 green onions half inch pieces
1 Tofurky spinach pesto artisan sausage sliced
Wildbrine red raw organic kraut
Cedar's garlic hummus
1 avocado 🥑 sliced or cubed
7 pitted kalamata olives
6 oz. sautéed organic sliced white mushrooms (iron skillet, oil, low heat, champagne California vinegar, Bragg liquid aminos, red 🌶 chile pepper flakes, organic balsamic vinegar, organic unfiltered raw honey, raisins)
Sunflower seeds
Pumpkin seeds
Nutritional yeast
Sesame seeds
Candied pecans
Simple Truth Organic Asian style sesame vinaigrette

pleased but not satisfied with her progress on minimization, she surmises a fourth trip to the used bookstore may be in order. a pile has already been started for her fourth trip to the thrift store. and it's not even lunar new years yet.

she takes respite in the yummy tsunami of nutrients taking place in her sunday salad

~ earrings 9-1-1 ~ retrospect ~
having also already recently had three pairs of earrings each reduced by one side, she wonders if things really do come in threes. as it were, she doesn't want this too to be a part of things happening concurrently for the fourth time.

~ my hat it has three corners ~ three corners has my hat ~ and had it not three corners ~ it would not be my hat ~ Carnival of Venice
  • Current Mood: lazy lazy
  • Current Music: seth lakeman

things i regret: preface

so i was thinking today... it was this time of year, almost 9 years ago, since phil and i were chatting and talking on the phone regularly. i'd wondered, and asked myself, i wanted to know how things would be, if i weren't always to be the one initiating contact. so, i did a hard thing, and i consciously refrained. to my dismay, he didn't reach out to me in turn. now i know his whole story about the phone. but i was almost surprised. i took it to mean something, to be an answer.

also, it had been a good year since my official heartbreak. the heartbreak whose 'wake' i found bleeding over into other relationships in my life.
it was one of the first times in my life i felt like this little part of me died or diminished somehow. some of that old magic was gone now. so that was like 10 years ago.

but anyways it's 9 years ago, going on 8, and then we talk like once or something and then i go out to visit him in the summer and he's afraid i came out to break up with him and i'm like no. and we go to sr's desert party, which btw they subtitled "the end of an era". but then i'd made plans to go to ny with my new local interest and he didn't say anything about that though. not that he ever did. so from then until december, we spoke a couple more times and he sent me a care package and that was it.

i had kept this one last message of his on the message machine (remember message machines?) and he was singing me the chili's baby back ribs song.

so maybe the point was. i made this choice to experiment with our communication. and it's not a replicable experiment.

stay tuned.
  • Current Location: 🌐
  • Current Mood: bored bored
  • Current Music: spotify daily mixes

something i read on subjectivity

so this time you're in baby backpack mode. almost too much lack of pavement but the sky is nice right. love the sky.

i traded three solid reusable grocery bags of books the other day and got a bit of credit for those. and that act granted me access to my bookshelf a bit better. almost makes me want to look through my books a little. i have this book addiction, see. it's like this visual fixture from childhood that says home like a piano or pottery vessels would. though my bookshelves are way messier than my moms. i could blame this on the general boxing down of my life lately but really, after i left home, i always had too many books for the shelves. in high school they were identical-ish.

the above quote struck me because i could hear what she was saying as happening in my life but in more of a downward spiral than in a positive way as she is stating. i've felt greatly for many years the presence of the destroyer in my life, breaking down my personality and everything that i thought was real. and as time has passed it's led me to question the function of memory. i've been blessed to live in so many different homes too and observe my mind in all these times. it's exposed me to the "lenses of perspective" of so many others by immersion. hardly by my own desire. maybe it's the gift of NOT.

p.s. that's leucotomy following me
  • Current Location: vlogiverse
  • Current Mood: grumpy grumpy
  • Current Music: 'different people' ~ social club misfits, tree giants

eighteen miles of pavement 🌊 🚴‍♀️

tried to fix that wonky camera footage and wound up with even more pavement. then had a little bit too much fun with filters. vultures at 54, blue heron at 75, beehives at 79. i tried to freeze frame them, but it's all blurry cos the filter.

so i think today was the closest i've been to a blue heron, though i didn't stop. i don't think it thought i saw it. but it was like HD. there were seagulls too. snowy egrets. mallards. some other sort of bird of prey. somebody's got to have documented all those river birds yet.

it's funny after all that rain the wash was actually drier than before, but now this is the highest i've seen it. catching up 🌎
  • Current Location: back where i was
  • Current Mood: disappointed disappointed
  • Current Music: montana ~ mesita

what i cooked today 🐣 🍫 🌿 🥕 🌶 // + lentil loaf recipe

~this~ veggie loaf recipe

grab a saucepan and a skillet

prepare the lentils and quinoa in the saucepan

1/2 cup green lentils
1 bay leaf
2 1/2 cups water

boil over medium heat, leaving lid ajar

when lentils are almost done, add

1/3 cup quinoa, washed
water, as needed, up to 1/2 cup

simmer 15 more minutes and set aside
meanwhile chop and sautee the vegetables in the skillet

1/2 red onion, diced
2 stalks celery, split and sliced
3 cloves garlic, minced
1 jalapeno, finely diced
2/3 cup grated carrot
1/2 tsp crushed fennel seeds

add oil to skillet and saute vegetables until tender, then add

1/3 cup raisins

saute two more minutes

add these two into a mixing bowl, along with

2 Tbsp flaxseed meal

mix well until combined and then mash the mixture about 50%, set aside

prepare the sauce

2 Tbsp vegan Worcestershire
3 Tbsp ketchup
1 Tbsp Bragg liquid aminos
2 Tbsp tahini

whisk these together, and then mix well into mixing bowl contents

it should be like wet sop. if not, add more sauce

now add

2 Tbsp nutritional yeast
1/2 cup gluten-free oats
2 tsp Herbs de Provence

mix well

then add

2 Tbsp almond meal
2 Tbsp gluten-free flour

or more until moisture is absorbed but still sticky

press mixture evenly into a parchment-lined standard loaf pan with a plastic spoon

prepare the glaze

1/4 cup ketchup
2 tsp sriracha
2 tsp maple syrup
1 tsp vegan Worcestershire

whisk these together and brush over top the loaf

cover with foil and bake at 375°F for 30~45 minutes

uncover and bake another 15 minutes

let cool for a bit, remove from pan, slice, and 👀 be happy, always 👀
  • Current Location: youtubeland
  • Current Mood: sore sore
  • Current Music: the invisible floating points ~ life dancers floating points remix